失去一切教会我什么是韧性

Do you ever wonder who you are beyond your job, your titles, your accomplishments?

你有没有想过，除了你的工作、头衔和成就之外，你是谁？

This is the question I was forced to confront when the company I'd spent a decade pouring my soul into shut down.

这是当我倾注十年心血的公司关闭时，我被迫面对的问题。

My work had been my entire identity, and without it, I didn't know who I was anymore.

工作是我全部的身份认同，失去它之后，我不知道自己是谁了。

Ten years earlier, I had co-founded Embrace, a social enterprise that created a low-cost portable incubator for premature babies in underserved communities.

十年前，我联合创立了 Embrace，这是一家社会企业，为服务不足社区的早产儿打造低成本便携式保温箱。

We set an audacious goal: to save a million babies.

我们设定了一个大胆的目标：拯救一百万个婴儿。

Babies like Nathan, who was abandoned on a street weighing just two and a half pounds. He was rescued by an orphanage and kept inside our incubator for weeks. He survived.

像 Nathan 这样的婴儿，他被遗弃在街头，体重只有两磅半。他被一家孤儿院救起，在我们的保温箱里待了好几周。他活了下来。

Along the way, we were recognized by President Obama and funded by Beyonce.

在这个过程中，我们得到了奥巴马总统的认可，还获得了碧昂丝的资助。

Ten years in, after countless setbacks from manufacturing to distribution to funding challenges, we had to shut down the company. I failed.

十年后，在经历了无数从生产到分销再到资金的挫折之后，我们不得不关闭公司。我失败了。

I hit the lowest point of my life. I was having panic attacks, I was depressed, I couldn't sleep, I felt completely broken in mind, body and spirit.

我跌入了人生的最低谷。我开始恐慌发作、抑郁、失眠，我感觉身心俱碎。

So I decided to set off on a healing journey. I packed a surfboard and a suitcase, and I bought a one-way ticket to Indonesia.

所以我决定开始一段疗愈之旅。我收拾了一块冲浪板和一只行李箱，买了一张去印度尼西亚的单程票。

I meditated for days in silence in the jungle until I hallucinated. Although I'm pretty sure those cockroaches on steroids were real.

我在丛林里静默冥想了好几天，直到产生幻觉。虽然我很确定那些打了类固醇的蟑螂是真的。

I did psychedelic journeys. I dove with sharks so I could learn to relax. I don't know why I couldn't just get a massage like a normal person.

我做了迷幻体验。我和鲨鱼一起潜水，以便学会放松。我不知道为什么我不能像正常人一样去做个按摩。

I burned holes in my leg for a frog poison ceremony. It was supposed to purge my past. Instead, I think I purged everything I'd ever eaten in my entire life.

我为了一个蛙毒仪式在腿上烧出了洞。它本该净化我的过去。结果，我觉得我把这辈子吃过的东西都吐出来了。

Growing up, my father showed his love by pushing me to excel. When I didn't meet his expectations, I was punished. Violently.

成长过程中，父亲通过推动我出类拔萃来表达爱。当我没有达到他的期望时，我会受到惩罚。暴力的惩罚。

When my father came home and saw this, he flew into a rage. He decided homework shouldn't be done on a lawn, it should be done at a desk. And so he beat me.

当父亲回家看到这一幕时，他勃然大怒。他认为作业不应该在草坪上做，应该在书桌前做。于是他打了我。

As I did this healing work, I finally connected the dots. Feeling so powerless throughout my childhood had driven me to help the most powerless people in the world.

当我做这些疗愈工作时，我终于把这些点连接起来了。童年时期感到如此无力，驱使我去帮助世界上最无力的人。

No matter how many babies I saved or how much recognition I received, I never felt like I was enough. I numbed my pain with productivity.

无论我救了多少婴儿，获得了多少认可，我从来没有觉得自己足够好。我用高效工作来麻痹我的痛苦。

First, I slowed down and I just let myself feel. For most of my life, I had disconnected from my emotions to survive.

第一，我慢下来，让自己去感受。在我生命的大部分时间里，为了生存，我与自己的情绪断开了连接。

Second, I learned to let go of outcomes. The only thing that is certain is uncertainty. I can't control the waves, but I can choose how I want to ride them.

第二，我学会放下对结果的执着。唯一确定的就是不确定。我无法控制海浪，但我可以选择如何乘浪。

Third, I learned self-compassion. I turned towards the little girl inside me and said the things she had always needed to hear: "You are enough and you are loved."

第三，我学会了自我关怀。我转向内心那个小女孩，对她说了她一直需要听到的话："你已经足够好了，你是被爱的。"

I once thought healing meant fixing myself. Now I know it means loving myself.

我曾经以为疗愈意味着修复自己。现在我知道它意味着爱自己。

The relationship we have with ourselves shapes every other relationship in our lives, both personally and professionally.

我们与自己的关系塑造了我们生活中的每一段关系，无论是个人的还是职业的。

In a miraculous turn of events, Embrace was saved. As of this year, it's impacted over a million babies.

在一个奇迹般的转折中，Embrace 获救了。截至今年，它已经影响了超过一百万个婴儿。